I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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