is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
