I think I died a long time ago.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Quick, to the slutcave!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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