How's work?
Spinning.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
