i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
