Who wears a wallet chain?!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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