that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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