just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
