i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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