I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
