remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
