no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
