hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
