just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize