i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
