FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
