I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
