Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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