i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
