GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
