this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
