They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
