dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
