I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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