The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
