all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
