I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
