One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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