i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
