If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
