i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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