i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
