ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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