How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Welp...herpes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize