You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
