The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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