we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
