I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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