you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
