He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
