I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
