he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
