I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
