The maid of honor just puked.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
