Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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