Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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