idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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