Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
