Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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