Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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