Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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