Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love you. Go after that dick
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
