my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
