under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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