today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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