dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I AM VODKA MAN
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
