Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
