matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
