I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
