She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
