In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
