YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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