i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
