this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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