watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What a dumb baby whore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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