Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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