I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
