If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
