who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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