STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
