Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
