I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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