i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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