spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
