I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
